How to stop overthinking; no one really cares as much as you do.
We’ve all fallen victim to overthinking, whether it’s about an old argument or a recent embarrassment. We spend hours fretting over that time we fell over in front of everyone or that time when we made a mistake during a presentation. In the end, we cannot go back and change the past by overthinking nor does it make us feel better, on the contrary it actually makes us feel worse about ourselves.
So why do we overthink?
My theory is that the root cause of overthinking is our vanity, our desire to always show the best version of ourselves.
No matter what, we constantly want to be seen in the best light possible. That’s why we worry about what to say, what to wear, how to act, it all comes down to our appetency to look good.
However, we tend to overlook the fact that almost everyone else around us has the same hankering as we do. The person next to us overthinks as much as you do, you just don’t notice it.
How do we stop overthinking?
I believe that the solution to overthinking is rather simple, stop assuming. Don’t assume that people around you drill your mistakes or your nervous demeanour into their heads. At the most, they may think about it for a few seconds before moving on to another topic, like whether anyone had noticed their new shoes or the homework that was due yesterday.
Say you get a call during a meeting or an online class and everyones’ attention is on you. From your perspective, you see numerous judging eyes and an angry superior or teacher. But all those “judging eyes” aren’t really judging, they’re just observing. And that “angry” superior? They’re not “angry” per se. Well, they might be a tiny but annoyed due to the interruption but to them it’s just a passing thought (after all it doesn’t include or impact them).
In reality, as harsh or rude as it may sound, no one really cares about you as much as you care about you. They don’t care if your hair looks untidy or if your test marks were unsatisfactory, they’re too busy thinking about their hair and their test marks.
Another thing you should keep in mind is the outcome. After all, what’s the worst that can happen? You get a few odd glances thrown your way for your messy hair? Or you get scolded by your parents or teachers for your test marks?
If you look at it objectively, neither outcome is as terrible as it seems. There is no permanent damage done.
Your hair can be fixed with a brush and as for the test, you can request a retest or pick up extracurriculars to make up for the marks lost or you could just try hander for the upcoming tests and projects.
You see, there is always a solution and very rarely is it overthinking.
Although we’ve talked about the situation, its not as easy as it sounds. Even though some people may be able to wake up one day and think,” I wont overthink because now I know that other people don’t care about the small things”, it just doesn’t work that way for everyone.
Now I like to break it down into three simple steps:
- When you feel that you are overthinking, stop. Take a minute and breathe.
- Remind yourself, “It’s not a big deal, happens to everyone at least once, theres no need to mull over it.”
- Just let it go. In the end, what’s the worst that can happen?
If you remember these steps the next time you find yourself seeping into the endless abyss that is are your assumptions, you’ll stop overthinking as much.
Thanks for reading and I’ll see you next week!
I am in my mid 30s and I have difficulty expressing my thoughts. Turning my thoughts into words is another ball game!!! So proud of this young talent. Keep writing and I look forward to your blogs
That’s what goes on in my mind …….thnks for the tips…author…will definitely give them a try when I am about to overthink…
So true!