Misunderstandings and assumptions; my experience and learnings.

Misunderstandings.

One of the most annoying things that can take place especially when you’re a bystander. Authors and scriptwriters love using it to drag out a couple of chapters and episodes and cause the readers and viewers to tug at their hair in irritation. A problem that could probably have been solved in a couple of minutes takes multiple chapters and episodes of misinterpreted words, vaguely phrased sentences and a lot of assumptions.

Ah yes, the root of all misunderstandings, assumptions.

The oxford dictionary defines assumptions as ‘a belief or feeling that something is true or that something will happen, although there is no proof.’

We believe that something will happen without proof, and very often it has unsavory consequences.We assume the other person’s words meant something else, we assume that the other person was trying to be mean when he or she might just have been trying to help. Without having all facts, without proof, we assume. Now we don’t just assume thing once in a while, we assume several times every single day of our lives.

Back in my old school I hadn’t been the easiest person to talk to. I had been unnecessarily blunt and although I wanted to help, it didn’t come off that way. After moving to a new school with new people that I hadn’t met and didn’t know, my stance changed quite a bit.

Before, I’d comment on the smallest things with an array of things to say. However, I’ve learnt to keep my mouth shut where it doesn’t concern me and just stop caring. I no longer care if that person might get a lower mark due to a spelling mistake because I know it’s not my place and it isn’t necessary to point out the flaws in my classmates’ works.

In my opinion, that change has been for the best. My life has less stress, not as many misunderstandings occur and everything has just been a lot easier.

However that’s just half of the story. I assume as much (if not more) than any other person. It’s a kind of reflex at this point. We tend to forget that we aren’t mind readers. There’s no way I can guess what someone is thinking just by assuming. It just doesn’t work that way.

To add insult to injury, assumptions almost always lead to arguments. Without knowing what the other person actually meant, my first instinct is to question them on what I think they meant. In the end, it really does no good whatsoever.

As much as I believe I need to stop assuming, I don’t believe one can completely stop assuming all at once. So if I find myself about to assume, I follow three steps;

1.Stop and take a second.

This step has always been the hardest for me. There’s just something about having to catch myself before I say anything unkind that seems to be so annoying difficult for me.

2.Re-think what I want to say. Is it necessary?

On the other hand, I find this step to be comparatively easier. Whenever I rethink what I want to say, I find myself pushing the mere thought of saying it to the back of my mind. Every now and then (albeit rather rarely) when I have to say something that I feel is important, I rephrase the sentence in a kinder fashion and repeat it in my head twice before saying it out loud with the most innocent look I can muster.

3. In the case of a misunderstanding, I try not to hesitate.

If I’ve already said something that didn’t need to be said and it lead to a misunderstanding, I try my best to put down my pride and my desire to sulk and go sort the misunderstanding out. The feeling before doing it isn’t the best but once it’s all been resolved I feel much lighter.

Hope you’ve enjoyed reading and see you next week!